Over the past few weeks, Chrissy Teigen found herself in the midst of cyber-bullying allegations after some of her past tweets from 2011 resurfaced. She’s since taken a break from social media and also exited her guest role in the second season of Never Have I Ever.
It all started last month, when 26-year-old model Courtney Stodden alleged in The Daily Beast that Chrissy used to send her disparaging comments on social media.
“She wouldn’t just publicly tweet about wanting me to take ‘a dirt nap’ but would privately DM me and tell me to kill myself,” Courtney told the outlet. “Things like, ‘I can’t wait for you to die.'”
She’s since publicly apologized to Courtney on social media.
“Not a lot of people are lucky enough to be held accountable for all their past bulls–t in front of the entire world. I’m mortified and sad at who I used to be. I was an insecure, attention seeking troll,” the Cravings author tweeted in May.
“I am ashamed and completely embarrassed at my behavior but that is nothing compared to how I made Courtney feel,” Chrissy added. “I have worked so hard to give you guys joy and be beloved and the feeling of letting you down is nearly unbearable, truly.”
In an essay published Monday (June 14) on Medium, Chrissy is once again addressing her past behavior on social media.
Opening up about her past few weeks of “sitting in a hole of deserved global punishment,” she says she’s “in the process of privately reaching out to the people I insulted.”
“I understand that they may not want to speak to me,” she wrote. “I don’t think I’d like to speak to me. (The real truth in all of this is how much I actually cannot take confrontation.) But if they do, I am here and I will listen to what they have to say, while apologizing through sobs.”
She didn’t drop any names, but admits that she’s “truly ashamed” of her “old awful (awful, awful) tweets.” She also notes that there’s “no excuse” for what she wrote.
“My targets didn’t deserve them. No one does. Many of them needed empathy, kindness, understanding and support, not my meanness masquerading as a kind of casual, edgy humor,” she continued, adding, “I was a troll, full stop. And I am so sorry.”
“Now, confronted with some of the things that I said, I cringe to my core. I’ll honestly get sharp, stabbing pains in my body, randomly remembering my a–hole past, and I deserve it. Words have consequences and there are real people behind the Twitter handles I went after. I wasn’t just attacking some random avatar, but hurting young women — some who were still girls — who had feelings. How could I not stop and think of that?” she asked. “Why did I think there was some invisible psycho-celebrity formula that prevents anyone with more followers from experiencing pain? How did I not realize my words were cruel? What gave me the right to say these things?”
“I’m telling you this for context, not seeking or deserving any sympathy,” Chrissy continued. “There’s no justification for my behavior. I’m not a victim here. The subjects of your sympathy — and mine — should be those I put down.”
She says her experiences in life have changed her and made her grow as a person – and she’s no longer the same person who wrote those mean tweets.
“Life has made me more empathetic. I’m more understanding of what motivates trolling — the instant gratification that you get from lashing out and clapping back, throwing rocks at someone you think is invincible because they’re famous. Also, I know now how it feels to be on the receiving end of incredible vitriol,” she added. “Believe me, the irony of this is not lost on me.”
And in raising her children and preaching to them about kindness, she hopes that “they recognize my evolution.”
“I’m going to keep working to be the best version of myself for EVERYONE. Everyone deserves better — even my detractors. And better is what you can expect from me. The world needs more kindness and love and I want to contribute to it. I’ve been on a path of self-improvement for the past decade and that path is going to continue,” she shared.
“We are all more than our worst moments,” Chrissy continued. “I won’t ask for your forgiveness, only your patience and tolerance. I ask that you allow me, as I promise to allow you, to own past mistakes and be given the opportunity to seek self improvement and change.”
