Shawn Mendes is “terrified of being evil” – his exact words.
The 22-year-old singer went on the Man Enough podcast where he opened up about one of his greatest fears, which he discovered during a fight with girlfriend Camila Cabello.
Sharing the story with activist Liz Plank, actor Justin Baldoni, and collaborator Jamey Heath, he said, “I raised my voice at her and she was like, ‘I don’t like it when you raise your voice. Why did you raise your voice?’ And I got so defensive.”
“I was like, ‘I wasn’t raising my voice at you!’ And I did raise my voice at her,” he continued. “And I felt her shrink and I felt me grow and I was like, ‘Oh god, this is the worst.’ I’m so terrified of being evil. I’m so scared to be bad.”
Shawn says his fear of “being evil” actually led to a “massive conversation” with Camila over what happened during their argument.
“Maybe there even is bad inside of me, and I have to just accept that that exists,” he continued. “And that other part of me, he’s just got to be here and we’ve just got to work together until eventually he gets worked in all of the trauma and all of the kinks get rubbed out of him and he’s OK. But I can’t avoid the fact that there’s a little bit of darkness inside of me and letting that darkness kind of be present is a horrible feeling.”
And Camila knew just what to say to reassure him. “I made it about my evil and my fear, and she comforted me,” he shared.
He did apologize – after they’d had some time to cool off. “And then it took me like 20 minutes of us separately reading our books to be able to come back to her and be like, ‘God, that was a whole thing and I’m really sorry.'”
But Shawn admits he’s still working on “shortening that gap.”
When asked about what Camila would define as his greatest strength and weakness, Shawn shared, “My greatest strength, I think she would say is my truth, my ability to be honest, tell the truth. I think she would say my [weakness] is my commitment to being a ‘good guy.'”
After being friends for years, Shawn and Camila began dating in 2019. Shawn has also previously opened up about what he’s learned from Camila in their relationship.
“I think that your person really just has to be your best friend, and she has been that for so many years now,” he told PEOPLE in December. “She is so unapologetically diving into love, and she really taught me what it is to be vulnerable and honest and true in a relationship.”
“She’s really so brave and courageous in love,” Shawn added. “I’m constantly learning from her.”
And when asked if she’s “the one,” he replied, “I don’t know why, but I just know that she is.”
